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It’s that time of year again… CHRISTMAS… which means it’s nearly impossible to escape the constant barrage of CHRISTMAS MUSIC.  Generally speaking, I’m okay with this… in fact, I enjoy most Christmas music.  However, I was listening to 1980s tune “Do They Know It’s Christmas” by the charitable super-group Band Aid and realized this may be one of the most retarded songs ever written.
 
Let’s just take a look at one verse of the song, line-by-line…
1.  And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime.
2. The greatest gift they'll get this year is life.
3. Where nothing ever grows.
4. No rain nor rivers flow.
5. Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Um…..
1. Perhaps the most factually correct line in this song.  It’s fucking Africa, why WOULD there be snow?
2. YES, they WILL have the gift of life…. Many live in huts and have minimal clothing.  What if it DID snow as you imply you’d like it to.  They would probably die.
3. Where nothing ever grows.  WHERE NOTHING EVER GROWS?  Doesn’t a significant portion of Africa consist of the GOD DAMNED RAINFOREST?  It’s only the MOST DENSE place for life on earth, where it’s estimated that there may be millions of plant and animal life not even discovered by man yet!
4. No rain nor river flow?.... see RAINforest.  Also, if I hop in a time machine to 3rd grade, how about The Nile River, The Congo River, The Niger River…. Come on now!
5. Probably not, since it’s a CHRISTIAN holiday and most of the people you’re singing about aren’t Christian. 
Christ on a cracker, am I the only one listening to these lyrics?!?! I’m just saying…

Anyway… had some really fun shows lately.  My thanksgiving showcase had 140+ in the audience which was awesome, and the Steve Wilson shows were a lot of fun as well.  Check out the pics below (click to enlarge).
And if you didn't check out the latest "Behind The Funny" episode I posted last time, scroll down below and watch it.  Me, Rick Matthews, Halloween, Karaoke, what else could you ask for?
 


Comments

Bill Nobes
12/11/2009 10:54am

Hey Chet, too true. That song always annoyed me. Bringing back memories of an unfinished parody I had done about the American alligator's future as an endangered species and how they don't understand it's Christmas, there's no snow in FLorida, etc. and the people just wanting their hides for alligator bags, shoes & shirts for Christmas gifts. I forget all the lyrics I had.

Anyway, I called it Gator-Aid. SOmething I came up with back in college b4 the comedy days. ANyway, thanks for bringing back the forgotten memory and dead on with your analysis.

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Chet Wild link
12/11/2009 2:31pm

Thanks Bill! I tried talking about it on stage a bit but it's a dated topic that I'm sure plenty of others have written jokes on back when it first came out - so I blogged instead.

Gator-Aid, eh? Anything we'll be seeing at an open mic soon from out of your vault?

Thanks for reading man, and catch ya at a show soon!

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Bill Nobes
12/21/2009 3:14pm

Hey, I think you could bring it up over the holidays. People will recall the song and probably have heard it a bunch of times these last few weeks. Save it for 1/7, maybe we can combine it with Gator-Aid, though right now it is unlikely I would be using it. Never really sorted out good lyrics for it, and knowing the lyrics would be key for my bit to work as opposed to yours since you'll be clearly stating the lyrics and how retarded they are.

Anyway, I'll at least be seeing you on the 7th. Happy Holidays good sir.

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